Five Reasons Not to Have a No Flirting Rule in Your Relationship

By | June 24, 2011

It might seem counter-intuitive, but in this article we are going to take an interesting stance and recommend against having a “no flirting” rule in your relationship.

Naturally, at, we’re a little more focused on building good relationships so that couples can get out, meet each other, and grow together. But you’d be surprised at how a “no flirting” rule can actually be counter-productive to its original goals. So here are five reasons not to have that rule in your relationship, with a little word of warning: try at your own risk!

Reason #1: The harder you squeeze, the more it slips. Have you ever tried to hold something slippery in your hands? It’s better to simply let your fingers relax and have gravity do the work for you. If you squeeze tight, the slippery object easily finds a crease and gets out of the crushing situation. A relationship can often follow this same pattern: the harder you try to get someone to stop flirting, the more they want to flirt to show you that you don’t rule them. Your efforts to stop flirting have actually made more flirting happen. That’s not good relationship-building.

Reason #2: Rules are important, but too many rules are no fun. We know that a relationship does require some discipline in order to succeed. You shouldn’t stay in a relationship, for example, when someone cheats on you, lies to you, or takes advantage to you. But there are limits to how many rules you can set before you start doing damage to the relationship rather than help it grow. If you tell your significant other that you never want them to flirt with anyone else, you come across as overbearing. That’s no fun.

Reason #3: The more you trust your partner, the more they trust you. There’s a lot to be said about psychological projecting. Have you ever noticed that partners in your past grew more paranoid when they started cheating on you? As their behavior grew worse, their trust also declined. You can show you’re trustworthy by also being trusting. After all, if you have nothing to hide, then you might just assume that no one else has anything to hide. Take this attitude: “Need to flirt once in a while? I trust you’ll just keep it at that!”

Reason #4: Being trusting comes from a place of strength. Weak-minded individuals with jealousy issues often have to lash out at their partner’s behavior simply because of their insecurity. If you trust your significant other likes you a lot – because you’re so likeable! – then you’re not going to have the same problems with flirting as you otherwise might. If you do have a problem with flirting, ask yourself if it’s because you’re afraid you’re not good enough.

Reason #5: It can enhance your relationship. Sometimes, if your girlfriend is hit on by another guy and you come to her rescue, it can make you feel better about your relationship. You might feel more secure with each other. You’d be surprised what a little “outside” danger can do to change your relationship on the inside.

One thought on “Five Reasons Not to Have a No Flirting Rule in Your Relationship

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