How Much Time Are You and Yours Really Spending Together?

By | November 11, 2011

When it comes to your social life and your most intimate relationships, you have to invest in them to make them work. Traditionally, people view “investments” as something to pour money to. But investing time and effort can be just as valuable – if not more valuable – especially when you’re talking about your relationship.

When it comes to relationships, it will be far more difficult to buy your problems away than it will be if you tackle problems head-on with good, old-fashioned time and effort. If you and your significant other haven’t been spending a lot of time together, then you know exactly what we’re talking about. So let’s ask a few questions about the time you spend together and see if your relationship is on thinner ice than you may have originally thought.

When you spend time together, are you actually together? It might sound like a nonsensical question, but when you consider today’s technological distractions, it’s an important one. Spending time together isn’t exactly spending time together if both of you are too busy texting friends to actually look at each other. The more you talk to each other, face-to-face, the more you’re spending time together. Heck, even using a service like Skype is more intimate than some in-person situations. The quality of the time you spend together is important, so ask yourself if you and your partner are merely physically present with each other or are actually communicating. You’d be surprised at just how different the two distinctions can be.

Are both of you present? Let’s say that one of you is interesting in spending intimate time together – but one of you isn’t fully invested in the interaction. While one partner wants to spend a dinner just talking to each other, the other views it as a time to eat and, as soon as possible, get on with their day. There will still be a rift between you if one of you is missing from the conversation, however physically present you might be. That’s why you’ve got to pay attention to how well both of you are investing in your relationship.

Are you challenged? It’s well known that people bond with each other when they have common experiences. Consider two strangers who are caught in an elevator for six hours – they might feel like old friends by the time they’re let out. You don’t have to get caught in an elevator, of course, to have some positive challenges with your significant other. Instead, spend time doing the same things you both enjoy. Interact with couples you meet at Meet new people together. Go out dancing together. Challenge yourself and you might be surprised at how much closer you feel at the end of the day.

Do you let distractions get in the way? It’s important to realize that while there are important distractions (like going to work and doing a good job), there are also unimportant distractions that don’t have to play a big role in your life. You have to be willing to say “no” to the unimportant distractions that aren’t as important as investing in your relationship. But both of you have to do this so that neither of you feel like you’re investing more into the relationship than the other person is.

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