When you find that you don’t talk to your significant other nearly as much as you used to, it can mean a thousand things. Maybe it’s a good thing, an indication that the two of you share a deep connection in which little needs to be said. On the other hand, maybe it’s a bad thing.
In this article, we’re going to focus on the “bad thing,” when less talking is a symptom of a deeper problem and not necessarily a reflection of your close connection. If you’re reading this far, there’s a good chance that your gut is telling you that you’re dealing with the former and not the latter.
First, let’s find out how you got into this mess.
Why Don’t We Talk?
Discovering the answer to this question is simple, but not necessarily easy. It means taking an honest look at the relationship you’ve enjoyed (or survived) up until this point. What kind of problems have you had in the past? Is this the first time you entered a phase in which the two of you don’t communicate with each other as much? If so, what brought you out of that rut?
There may be a logical reason that you don’t talk as much. Maybe you work weekdays and your significant other works weekends. But it’s important to remember that these reasons, while valid, do not necessarily constitute excuses. If you two were truly in love and interested in talking to each other, you’d find a way. Especially in the era of text and email.
Of course, maybe the problem isn’t so easy to identify. If this is the case, don’t be afraid to open up the lines of communication and speak honestly about your concerns.
What to Do About It
This is where it gets tricky. There may be a multitude of reasons that you two don’t talk as much anymore. These may be complicated reasons.
But as long as you can remember that it’s important to confront the cause of the problem and not the effect of it (for example, simply resolving to talk more might just cover up the problem), then you’re likely going to get at the heart of what’s going on. This is a good thing, even if it sometimes means facing an uncomfortable truth.
At this point, you’ll likely face a choice: you can either choose to resolve the problem together or not to address the problem and to ultimately break up (note: if you’re married, do all you can to choose the former and not the latter).
If you decide to face the problem directly, it will require compromise and sacrifice from both sides. If either of you is not entirely dedicated to making it happen, then there’s going to continue to be a problem, and ultimately a breakup might be the only solution that works best for both of you. But don’t be afraid to exhaust the other possibilities before a breakup: after all, a good relationship is always a relationship worth saving.