Meeting, Making & Keeping Couple Friends

Besides being a lot of fun, there are many good reasons to seek “couple friends.” They can empathize with the joys and challenges of being in a committed relationship. It gives you a chance to hang out with members of the opposite sex, without putting you or your relationship in compromising situations. And as an added bonus, spending time with other couples is incredibly educational. Seeing how other couples interact puts your own relationship in perspective. It gives you the opportunity to learn from their successes, and their mistakes.

So once you’ve determined that you’re in the market for some new “couple friends,” what’s the best way to meet them?

• Hello again. Chances are you have some old friends who drifted away after they got married. Why not get reacquainted?

• Branch out. Don’t be shy. Put your married friends on notice that you’re on the prowl for new friends. You might be pleasantly surprised to find how excited they are to introduce you. Remember, you’re not the only couple looking for new buddies.

• Open your eyes. Many of the most successful couples friendships are those based on similar interest. Chances are you’re rubbing shoulders with many good candidates on a weekly basis, whether it’s at the park with your kids, the movie theater, or even the table next to you at the restaurant. You might find it’s as easy as striking up a conversation.

• Family First. If your family is local, organize an outing with other couples in your family. Have everyone invite another couple.

• Surfs up. Try logging onto Kupple.com, a website specifically designed for couples in search of other platonic “couple friends.”

So you’ve met them. Now what? A few pointers:

• Listen up. Most of us have been on dates with someone who talks about themselves the whole time. Chances are there was no second date. Make sure you give the other couple ample time to talk about themselves.

• Take it slow. Once you start “couples dating” you’ll find that many of the skills and conventions you learned while “singles dating” still apply. Take it one step at a time. Give yourselves time to get to know each other. If you’re interested, don’t be afraid to show it, but make sure you’re also receiving signals that they’re interested before you go planning your double vacation to Tahiti. By the same token, if you’re not interested, that’s okay, too. You’re not doing anyone any favors by nursing a dead dog.

• Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. You may find your dream couple on your first date. And you’ll probably find that if you approach each “date” with excitement and enthusiasm, your enthusiasm will be returned. However you might find it’s just not a good match. Or that due to any number of reasons, your significant other doesn’t get on with his/her counterpart as well as you do. If this happens, be willing to compromise. Ask him/her to consider giving them a second chance, but if things still don’t work out, be prepared to move on. Remember, this should be about bringing you closer together, not further apart.

• Be open. While it’s good to hang out with couples who share similar interests, you may find that some couples’ idea of fun is not quite what you were expecting. If it’s not something you’re absolutely certain you wouldn’t like, give it a try. You might be surprised. It might even be a bonding experience.

So you’ve met the “ones.” Here’s to keeping them around:

• Be respectful. You like them and they like you. Everybody’s happy. But people are complicated and there’s still a lot about them you don’t know. Try not to assume anything. Just because they seem fun and laid back, doesn’t mean that they want to hear somebody dropping the “f-bomb” every other sentence. Try to abide by more generally accepted norms of polite behavior while you’re still getting to know one another.

• Reciprocation, Reciprocation, Reciprocation. We all know real friendship isn’t about keeping score. But you’ll probably find that being reciprocal helps people get into their comfort zones quicker. Enthusiasm begets enthusiasm. If they invite you to a barbecue one weekend, invite them to a movie the next. You won’t always need to be so tit for tat. Just when you’re getting started; friendships are most fragile in their infancy.

• Talk amongst yourselves. Since the four of you are all interacting so closely, it’s quite common for jealousy to arise. Make sure you and your significant other talk about it at once, lest it drive a wedge between you, them, or all of you. The same goes for any other issues that may arise.

• Make time. We all lead busy lives, but don’t forget to try to find time for your new “couples friends,” even if it’s just a quick lunch date. Try to see them at least once a month, so that your friendships don’t lapse and you find yourself back at square one.

• Be a friend. Like any other friendship, “couples friendships” aren’t just about having a good time. The deeper ones should have some element of mutual helpfulness. It could be as simple as teaching him how to hook up his TV to his stereo, or it might mean watching their kids for a weekend. Whatever it is, these good deeds are often what bring couples closest together.

So now that you’re armed with some good information, you have a lot to be excited about. “Couples friendships” are often some of life’s most rewarding. They give you the opportunity to learn about each other, and relationships, all while having a good time. So pick up your phone, your mouse, or your spouse, and get out there! The right couple awaits.