Dealing with Single Friends as a Couple

By | March 9, 2012

We’ve all been in that situation. Extra weight. The third wheel. The fifth wheel. Odd man (or woman) out. It’s not fun when you’re single, and while it’s not quite as painful for you when you’re part of a couple, it can still be difficult to continue seeing your single friends when you’re living the life of a couple.

We at not only recognize the value of socializing with other couples, we’re all about it. But we can’t ignore the single friends in your life, and they’re not necessarily destined to always be single either. You need to value all of your friends – at the exclusion of no one. Here’s how to keep them comfortable around you even when you’re in a couple…and ultimately how to keep those single friends in your life.

Let’s start out by listing a couple of things that you don’t want to do when you’re in a couple and hanging out with single friends:

· Don’t try to fix them up. This is okay if you legitimately have someone that they should meet – someone you would have introduced to your single friend whether you were single yourself or not. But if you keep trying to throw a partner at your single friend, they’ll start to get the feeling that they aren’t viewed as “complete” in your eyes unless they have a significant other.

· Don’t focus on the issue. Along that same vein, don’t focus on the issue at all. If a single friend wants to join you for a nice dinner and instead is asked constantly about finding a boyfriend or a girlfriend, how welcome do you think they’ll feel? They’ll likely think that their own single friends are a better bet for a good time.

Now let’s focus on the positive: proactive things you can do in order to put your single friends at ease, just like the good old days:

· Be yourself. When you’re dating someone new and you introduce them to one of your old single friends, it can be a difficult social balance to maintain. So just relax and be yourself, the way you’d always be. If your single friends get the feeling that you’ve somehow “changed,” then they’ll probably want to stop hanging around you so much.

· Keep it casual. Inviting a single friend over to a formal event can make them feel a little self-conscious. Yet if you, as a couple, enjoy hanging out with your single friends in a more casual setting – say, after-hour drinks or watching the game on Sunday – you’ll put a lot less pressure on them to be on their social game since they are, after all, riding solo.

Ultimately, “dealing” with your single friends when you’re dating shouldn’t feel like you’re “dealing” with them at all. You should stay yourself, stay relaxed and ultimately enjoy each others’ company. It’s when you allow any insecurities to make their way into your interactions that something feels wrong – and it’s not because they’re jealous. It may, in fact, be because you don’t know how to deal with it yourself.

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